Sometimes you have to say "sorry"

Parenting is hard. I won't sugar coat it. I'm a fleshly, vile, sinner. Saved by the grace of God, but a sinner none the less. I'm not always sweet. I don't always smile and respond in a gentle and kind manner. I lose it sometimes. I won't shift the responsibility of my actions to a horrid childhood, or some other lame excuse. There are some days when I'm not proud of my actions.

Today was one of those days.

My daughter was being especially challenging this morning. She didn't get up when she was told, she didn't want to eat what I had prepared for her, and then threw a fit while I was doing her hair.

I didn't respond to her very well. Instead of letting natural consequences take their toll, my voice rose, I was stern. I could have allowed her to sleep too long and miss the bus, thus ruining her perfect attendance. I could have allowed her to not eat, thus going to school hungry. I could have allowed her to not have her hair done, thus going to school looking scraggly. (Okay, that's my issue, it probably wouldn't have bothered her one bit to have unkempt hair.)

But instead I lectured to deaf ears. When that approach didn't work, I increased the volume and toughened the tone. When that didn't work, I threw my own little hissy about being unappreciated and sent her out the door very upset with me and crying. (I'm really laying it all out here, ladies.)

I was heartbroken all day. I couldn't believe I had been so harsh. I replayed every detail, every word over in my mind. Wishing, praying I could take it back. A good part of me wanted to go to her school and take her out of class to apologize, but I knew that wasn't feasible.

I decided there are battles in the morning that I'm not willing to fight. Yes, she needs to get out of bed when asked, but I could be more accommodating about breakfast. What's the big deal if she eats a piece of toast with peanut butter instead of an egg, anyway? She's in the fourth grade. If she wants to do her own hair, I should let her. Even if it doesn't look the way I think it should. She can handle it.

2:30pm arrived and the kids were home from school. I just knew she would still be holding a grudge from this morning. Instead, do you know what she did? She brought me the brush and asked me to put her hair up for cheer leading.

My heart was pierced by her forgiving spirit.

I happily took the brush, and with tears streaming down my face, apologized for this morning's fight. She apologized, too. Both of us crying at this point, we hugged, and hugged. I held on for so long, I just didn't want to let her go.

I know we're the parents, and what we say has to "go" for the most part. But our children have the potential to really teach us some of life's lessons, if we allow them the opportunity.

Sometimes you just have to say you're sorry.

Meet my children...

I thought you might like to meet the four people in this world who have my heart wrapped around their fingers..........

This is my beloved oldest, Joshua. No, he's not a tree hugger...but he's liable to give his 'ole mom a heart attack with as high as he likes to go in one. This kid is a boy with a capital "B". He lives each day like a roaring tornado and sleeps each night like a hibernating bear, just to wake up and be a tornado again. I had no idea what people meant when they would talk about how tiring boys were....whew, I get tired just thinking about him. Josh is awesome!! He's the silliest, funniest kid ever. He's always ready to make someone laugh. But the best thing about him is his sensitive side, he's a very compassionate person. He loves his little brother and prays for him often. Oh, yeah...he likes his sisters too....well, maybe!!

Up next is Erin, or Sissy, as we lovingly refer to her around here. Now Erin is not your typical middle child. She's got the personality more of a first born. (Read Type "A") I think Josh just lives his life so fast he's not even in the birth order....back to Erin. Where do I even begin. Erin is my right hand gal for just about everything that goes on around here. She's smart, level headed, logical, and very literal. As my dad used to say, "she means what she says and says what she means". My hubby thinks she's a carbon copy of me. Hmmm, maybe that's why I think so highly of her. :) Do you know what I love best about her??? Her sarcasm. I know, I know, that's not exactly a desirable trait in a young lady...but man is she quick. In time, she'll learn the art of controlling it....but until then, she'll say exactly what I'm thinking.

Third in the line-up is Katelyne. Katelyne takes the prize for the most nicknames in our house. She's Katelyne, Kate, Kit-Kat, Kay-Kay, Loopy, Loop, and Little Loop. We reserve "Little Loop" for when we talk about how mistreated and deprived she is. Oh, don't let that killer smile fool you, this child is dealing with some serious middle child anguish. Can't you see the despair and feelings of deep neglect? No? Yeah, me neither...but she's certain it's there and she'll be happy to tell you about it. Kate is something, let me tell you. She's got the best imagination. She's the one child who will actually play with toys. Don't get me started on toys, I don't know why I buy them.....oh yeah, back to Kate. Kate is a princess. She's my diva of divas. She's the first to strike a pose, make up a dance, or just about anything to get you to watch a performance. It all goes back to the deprivation and neglect, I'm sure. The best part....she wants to be a mommy when she grows up!! Pitter-patter goes my heart....love it!!!

Last, but not least, is Ty. Be still my heart, where do I start with this boy. Just look at those cheeks. They're so delicious, I could serve them up with a scoop of ice-cream. This is my cuddler. I probably kiss those cheeks 1,000 times a day and he still comes back for more. Mama's boy?? Yer' darn right!!! Ty is our miracle from God, that's a story that deserves a post on it's own. He brightens everyone's day that he comes in contact with and has the most infectious smile. I couldn't image how different my life would be without this little guy. He's taught me so much about overcoming life's obstacles. Nothing will ever stop this fellow, God has big things planned for Ty.

So there you have it, the Bonini children. They certainly are my bundles of joy. They keep my house loud, my cupboards empty, and my heart full. I wouldn't trade it for anything, I've got the best job in the world!!