Sometimes you have to say "sorry"

Parenting is hard. I won't sugar coat it. I'm a fleshly, vile, sinner. Saved by the grace of God, but a sinner none the less. I'm not always sweet. I don't always smile and respond in a gentle and kind manner. I lose it sometimes. I won't shift the responsibility of my actions to a horrid childhood, or some other lame excuse. There are some days when I'm not proud of my actions.

Today was one of those days.

My daughter was being especially challenging this morning. She didn't get up when she was told, she didn't want to eat what I had prepared for her, and then threw a fit while I was doing her hair.

I didn't respond to her very well. Instead of letting natural consequences take their toll, my voice rose, I was stern. I could have allowed her to sleep too long and miss the bus, thus ruining her perfect attendance. I could have allowed her to not eat, thus going to school hungry. I could have allowed her to not have her hair done, thus going to school looking scraggly. (Okay, that's my issue, it probably wouldn't have bothered her one bit to have unkempt hair.)

But instead I lectured to deaf ears. When that approach didn't work, I increased the volume and toughened the tone. When that didn't work, I threw my own little hissy about being unappreciated and sent her out the door very upset with me and crying. (I'm really laying it all out here, ladies.)

I was heartbroken all day. I couldn't believe I had been so harsh. I replayed every detail, every word over in my mind. Wishing, praying I could take it back. A good part of me wanted to go to her school and take her out of class to apologize, but I knew that wasn't feasible.

I decided there are battles in the morning that I'm not willing to fight. Yes, she needs to get out of bed when asked, but I could be more accommodating about breakfast. What's the big deal if she eats a piece of toast with peanut butter instead of an egg, anyway? She's in the fourth grade. If she wants to do her own hair, I should let her. Even if it doesn't look the way I think it should. She can handle it.

2:30pm arrived and the kids were home from school. I just knew she would still be holding a grudge from this morning. Instead, do you know what she did? She brought me the brush and asked me to put her hair up for cheer leading.

My heart was pierced by her forgiving spirit.

I happily took the brush, and with tears streaming down my face, apologized for this morning's fight. She apologized, too. Both of us crying at this point, we hugged, and hugged. I held on for so long, I just didn't want to let her go.

I know we're the parents, and what we say has to "go" for the most part. But our children have the potential to really teach us some of life's lessons, if we allow them the opportunity.

Sometimes you just have to say you're sorry.